Healing Old Memories 

It’s inevitable, when you write memoir. . . Writing about the past is bound to dredge up a few old memories of the not-so-fun kind. How can you deal with those? Ah, that’s where the memoir process can truly be helpful.

Don’t overlook therapy if a memory becomes overwhelming, or you find yourself deeply mired in depression you can’t shake. But for less-traumatic but still-painful events in your past, simply writing about them (even a short, sweet summary) and embracing the lesson can be a great way to erase the sting.

Here’s a short exercise you can try:

    Bring to mind an old memory of something that was especially difficult or painful in your past. Then jot down a list of words to describe what happened, and how it made you feel. Did your stomach clench? Were your emotions on fire? Where do you remember sitting or standing when this painful event took place? Who was with you? Write one or two sentences about the situation or event that you found yourself in.

      Add a sentence about the personal value or belief that made this particular situation so difficult or hard on you. Did someone’s behavior clash with your belief about what was right and fair? Was it shocking to discover that a person you trusted might lie? Was it disappointing to be confronted with the fact you aren’t perfect? Did you find yourself in a struggle you never anticipated – and angry with yourself that you didn’t see it coming?

      Then “flip the script” and find one positive take-away from that horrible, awful, negative experience. Something you learned about life as a result. Or perhaps something you learned about yourself.

     Here are a few “healing” lessons we can take away from the worst moments in life:

• I’m tougher than I ever realized. Look what I came through and survived!
• My biggest mistake was expecting others to be as kind, honorable, and honest as I am. Now I know to look harder before I leap, but I still appreciate those good qualities in myself.
• I made the best choice I could under the circumstances. Next time I’ll look for better information.
• Loving someone else doesn’t require ignoring my own needs and boundaries. My definition of “love” has gotten better, now.

What have you learned from life’s toughest moments? What thoughts helped make those memories sweeter? Let me know in an email!